Crackers for Aber Dabers - Part 2

So dear listeners, AberDabers isnt as far away now. We've just ticked over the 2 months to go mark. Preparations are going seamlessly and we're almost ready to declare preparations complete... that reminds me, I need a visa.

OI! This is the first time I've done this alright?! Don't smirk like that, it makes your face look buggy.

That brings me deftly on to the question of Alcohol. Happy now? You make me want to drink at 9am heehee.

Mrs pOWENed emailed me today from the kitty litter tray, where ironically it was raining all day yesterday, to tell me the hoop jumping needed to buy an Alcohol License.
Naturally the UAE is a muslim country, therefore alcohol is bad and so is pork products... I guess if you cant have a lot of Manhattans on a friday night then you really dont have as much use for Bacon and Eggs on a monday morning I guess.

And yes that is a bad thing!

Here is a list of the things that Mrs pOWENed must provide so that she is allowed to buy alcohol to consume in the privacy of her own home:

1. Passport... Check.
I guess thats not so unusual, a handy way to tell who the heathen drinkers of the demon drink are

2. Work Visa... Check.
It's really important that you have a job before you are allowed to drink alcohol... The number of unemployed bums that spend all their non-existent cash on alcohol is long and storied.


3. Salary Certificate from employer... Check.
That's right people, you have to declare how much you earn so they can tell you how much you
are allowed to spend! No more than 10% of your wage or Emir will smack.

4. Passport photos and an application form
It is a license after all, it cant be all evil.

So you have gathered all the documentation, had your employer think you're an alcoholic and been flash blinded by some random guy in a back alley photo shop and are ready to get your license.
Off you go to the Police Licensing Department out in the boonies and get quizzed by a disappointed man in a tea towel...
Only between 8am & 11am Sunday and Monday... and bear in mind, Sunday is the first day of the working week in AberDabers

Fear not listeners! I will have a beer in my undies while camped on the couch!
If you're good, Ill post photos.

Crackers for Abber Dabbers - The Preparations

Good Evening lovers of the intahwebs. I am here to share with you the nerdy side... the side that Mrs pOWENed would prefer would stay hidden.
The part that makes me yell "COOL!" when I see new gadgets... I would like to point out that I am watching a flat screen TV because Mrs pOWENed bought it.

BTW, fellow nerds... this site should be on your daily:
http://www.engadget.com/

So, this trip to Abu Dhabi constitutes the first in a LONG time, and its safe to say the first that really counts.
So naturally as a nerd, there are items that need to be updated before I can allow myself to leave the country:

1. The Camera

For all your best Up-Burqa shots you need a highly maneuverable , high resolution camera with a strong wrist strap for running like a girl away from the cops Balance this with the need for your camera to be weighty enough for cracking said cop in the head and you have yourself a tall order.

The Selection:
Canon Powershot G10

Reason:
Cos 10 is better than 9, unless you're playing golf. If you are playing golf, you are surfing the net from the links and are a MASSIVE geek.
Go get yourself checked... its ok, we'll wait...

Specifications:
Its got stuff and lots of megapixels and a lens and stuff

Alright, here ya go, check it out from the Canon site.

http://www.canon.com.au/products/cameras/digital_compact_cameras/powershotg10.aspx

And for those who just want a pretty picture


















In all seriousness its very cool and Im a big fan of the photo's I have taken of the cat.

2. The Noise Cancelling Headphones

We all know there is a lot of background noise on a modern aeroplane, now to get the full experience from your wham tape on the walkman you need a set of noise cancelling headphones.
I can see Mrs pOWENed getting annoyed at me making fun of her beloved Wham now... by the way they will also be good for avoiding the extremely long winded defence of George Michael's vocal and song writing (seriously? "Wake me up before you go go") prowess (and that other bloke that noone knows)

The Selection:
Sennheiser PXC-250

The Reason:
Cos I love saying SENNHEIIIISER!!!! Sounds like a German porn position... "Helga, ve vill now chenge into ze sennheiser position!"

Specifications:
It makes noise AND stops it, did that just blow your mind? Yeah, I thought so.
Importantly, they fit on my big head and they plug into airline sockets... Win/Win!

Sennheiser (Helga?) makes them sound really impressive
http://www.sennheiserusa.com/newsite/productdetail.asp?transid=004924
What is Supra-aural? Does that mean it sounds like a dodgy Toyota sports car?

















Must be tough trying to make headphones look exciting

3. The Portable Media Player

Ok, its time for the Walkman to go...go (See what I did there? More Wham references...Champagne comedy I tell you).
I havent previously had a need for an MP3 player as I'm always either in the car or have a stereo or PC nearby to play music from. No I dont listen to music while Im on the treadly as you can never hear the car that is about to smash you into a pulp... learn this you dopey cyclists!

So we need something to play lots of different media files, looks good and sounds good.
Oh and doesnt cost the same as a Hyundai... there ya go iPod lovers, you're out.

The Selection:
Creative Zen 4GB

he Reason:
Let me just recap a discussion had with the Exec Personal Assistant at work:

Yes, it was 1/4 of the price of your ipod
Yes, I can do whatever I like with the files
Yes, it does play whatever files I want... within reason
No, it doesnt make me install a massively convoluted piece of software with lots of little spammy offshoots just to add files

The Specifications:
http://www.creative.com/products/mp3/zen/

I especially like the background music. The good people of Creative have deliberately chosen a piece of music that has no chance of finding itself on the product.


















Finally and most importantly.
4. The Laptop

of course any self respecting nerd needs a PC for his own personal grubby mits and I'm no different. Considering this is my first laptop purchase, what does that say about my recent travel habits? Apparently though, there arent too many free wifi hotspots available in AberDabers so Ill have to stock it up with ass kickiness before heading over. Have no fear my loyal fans, I'm not going to abandon you... I will find a local sucker to leech off.

The Selection:
MSI GX630

The Reason:
Naturally no self respecting nerd can purchase a run of the mill laptop that wont make other nerds go "OOOHH". Said nerd also needs as many of the comforts of home as possible, this would include the ability to go online and pOWEN noobs*.

With this in mind the MSI GX630 made me go "OOOOH" and in recent tests, down the pub with the boys, the results were also "OOOOH" so we are onto a winner
If you want the specs, go here...

http://www.msimobile.com/level3_productpage.aspx?cid=6&id=9

Then I found an interesting fact, I could get the unit from the USA in 4 days for around $450 cheaper than the best price. The retailers were just about throwing in their grandmothers to make the deal. No I dont have an old woman living in my house doing my washing and cleaning up, dont worry... the shipping would have gone up too much.

SCHWEEEEEET
Ill have to do a blog post on this one on its own, I can tell.
I'll get started on that now, damn work keeps getting in the way.




















*If you dont know, you're too old... give it up ;)

Give it up...

Dear readers, I was sitting down at the laptop with a German wheat beer to spin you another tale regarding the forthcoming aberdaber crackers and what do I see?

Our sad little self-elected ambassador Rove McManus on his very own highly over rated show creatively entitled...
Rove
















Our fair hero set up an elaborate joke involving props, amazing coincidences, celebrity cameos and elaborate timing.

Actually, I tell a lie. When faced with this news story
Welsh Dwarf saved by pet Chihuahua
the best that could be scripted WELL in advance was:

"And just before she was rescued my friend tripped over her"
**Queue the side-splitting applause!**

Oh lord I nearly died... thats like me joking about my friend bumping into Yao Ming and saying "You're really tall!"
I mean obviously I cant say that cos Im tall too, so it was my friend!... witty, sooooo witty!

Rove, mate, one Aussie to 1/2 an Aussie... no, just no... give it up and go home.
Actually, no, go to the US they like REALLY obvious humour.

Actually, Rove, are you seeing anyone? There's a Welsh girl that needs some consoling and shes right up your alley.

See what I did there? hey?
What too soon?

Ok, back to your regular scheduled programming

Gritty Realism at its finest

Of course next time I see a bunny with an M4 Im hitting the bricks...

Action starts at 40 Secs

Apocalypse Meow

The Mighty Battle Truck

I came across this photo of the battle truck and felt the need to post it... I feel a little misty eyed.

You! Stop spraying water at me! At least I hope that's water

That's better













Many happy times have been spent flying over speed humps in that truck.

Many unhappy hours were spent rebuilding the 2.6 Astron in that truck.

Here Snakey Snake

If you are a stalker and read my description, you would have seen mention of North West New South Wales. For all of you people from other countries... What are you doing here?!

Heehee just kidding foreign pig-dogs, no, NSW is the most populous state in Australia... Look, Sydney is there, ok?

I grew up on a 1000 acre cotton farm outside a small town in the North West of the state called Wee Waa (pronounced Wee War) and yes we have heard every urination joke available.

Yes, even that one...

Check it out, it actually has a website! Man they are really catching up to the 20th Century!
http://www.weewaa.com

And no I dont know what a Bale load of Peace is... I would like to think it involves industrial machinery and a truck load of greenies, but maybe thats just wishful thinking.

BTW, dont drink at the Royal Hotel on that page, go round to the Bowling Club... they dont call Thursday "Fight Night" at the Royal for nothing.

Anyhoo... Mostly growing up on the farm was mindless boredom, interspersed with bouts of turning the tractor around. For instance while driving the fields, I would look forward to Thursday mornings at 11am as there was a science show with Dr Karl Kruszelnicki. That's right, I spent the whole week looking forward to 1 hour on Thursday mornings.

It was really flat, really dry, really hot and really snakey.
Seriously, there were a LOT of snakes out there, in summer we used to see a couple of Eastern Browns per week. These happy little chappies. We lost several cats to these little guys and know several people that have been bitten by them.

There's a reason why every photo that you see looks like that, the nasty little sods are always ready to attack something.

I love the city "experts" who say "Leave them alone, they'll leave you alone" BULLLLLLLLSHIIIIIITTTT, if you see one of these run the other way, waving your arms screaming "SNAAAAAAAKE". The last part isnt essential but it'll be good for a giggle.

I think it's cos they know they can kill just about everything and they love it. I wouldnt be surprised if I heard a story about one getting mad at a tree and striking away. I also wouldnt be surprised if the tree died.

Most of those lists that have "Top 10 Deadliest Snakes in the World!" have this sucker at Number 2 or 3.

So one day, during the height of summer while driving around in the mighty battle truck (BTW I still miss that truck) I drove into our workshop. I leapt out intending to grab my part and head back out to the field.

The ground rolled under my foot... Ground isnt supposed to roll I hear you say

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKEEEE!!!!!

Queue the Phar Lap comparisons cos I would have beaten anyone that day... If Usain Bolt had been running through the yard he would have been passed like a one legged midget before the final E passed my lips.

When I finally stopped about 100 metres away, I guess realising that snakes cant fly, I turned to see Chad laughing so hard he couldnt stand up straight. Lets put this in perspective here... Chad was named that cos he looked like Chad Morgan

Don't get your panties in a bunch, we dont do "Politically Correct" in the country









When Chad managed to stop laughing and get some air into his lungs he said...

"You didnt touch the ground man, legs pumping like Wile E Coyote"

Thank you snake for making me look like a cartoon dog.

And no I am not phobic of snakes, I just felt the need to look under all the seats in the battle truck while armed with a shovel before getting back into it... thats just common sense.
If I had hosed down everything with the steam cleaner inside and out on the off chance that the little bastard was lying in wait... that would have been phobic.

Ok, I couldnt get it running... shuddup.

A couple of weeks later our neighbour Ed came by and was attacked by said snake and got my pay back for me.

I feel a bit wary after telling that story, I'm going to go check under the seats in the car... Where's my shovel?

A Bale Load of Peace to you all

pOWENed

BTW, I Googled Wee Waa and Summer and got this... I really dont remember too much dashing through the scrub with my BAR throwing grenades at Japanese soldiers... but hey, things might have changed in the last 15 years.

Musicy Goodness

Good morning everybody out there in Intahweb's land.
A short one to start the day, just a cool little ditty to make your Thursday a little nicer..

Josh Ritter gets the pOWENed two thumbs up.
that was oh so lame... oh well, enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOx_DrxHVHI

Crackers for Abber Dabbers - Part 1

As previously mentioned I will soon be going to the Middle East on my first trip overseas (I dont think I can count a week in Singapore with my family when I was 15).

Why the sudden desire to go to the sandbox? One reason alone... Mrs pOWENed.
Yes thats right, the mrs is over there roaming the land of the short and hairy bad drivers

So where exactly do you ask?

Abu Dhabi.
That would be the capital of the United Arab Emirates... Near Saudi Arabia? Persian Gulf? Where all the oil comes from? DUBAI MAN, HAVE YOU HEARD OF THAT?

Look there's even wars over there... Google is your friend.












Man some of you people are hard work.

Anyway...

So, I'm heading over to hang out in the City of the Father of Gazelle at the end of May... Im not making that name up... again, google.
Ill be heading over at the end of May for about a month.

This sounds like fun you say, and yes it'll be great to hang out with my girlfriend for a while and I'm sure that I will experience exciting and wonderous things. Nights filled with wonder and days filled with heat.

Now naturally it is a desert, you have to expect some heat. So lets go check what the official website has to say:
http://www.abudhabi.ms/weather.html

"Generally because of the weather, you will find out that Abu Dhabi is one of the most perfect places to while away the summer months because the city offers a sunny weather throughout the year."

Hmmm nice, that sounds more like it.

"The temperature fluctuates from 10C (50F) to an average of 40C (110F) to around 48 C (118 F) in the summer. "

WHAT THA! I thought you said "Perfect place to while away the summer months"????

"When you land in Abu Dhabi in the month of April to August, you will notice that the weather in the city is relatively humid. Sandstorms are quite frequent during these months. Blame it to the weather because one of the results of the dust storms is the difficulty of seeing clearly from a distance. "

Oh come on now, this isnt funny. Not only will it melt my Peppermint Magnum before I get it into my gob, I wont be able to see the insane drivers coming at me either?

By the way, crazy attack drivers, thanks Gulf News
http://www.gulfnews.com/nation/Traffic_and_Transport/10196597.html

























Ohh and one more thing, a passage on the website caught my eye. If you have any idea what on earth this means, please share with the world.
Who knows, maybe the author will be paying attention and learn for himself:

"Should your travel need to connect you to nature's beauty? Then surely, you may include in your vacation spree a visit to green space. Have your personal experience of superb play areas with desirable equipment for children. You will never regret your choice of destination for you travel and vacation, surely you will achieve real relaxation through the lovely and mesmerizing fountains, neon light’s swathes and the state-of-the-art sculptures. If you would like to enclose in you travel and vacation plan a trip to Abu Dhabi Museums then do not loss the chance to witness the capital’s profound history through its artifacts, visual arts et cetera. Would you like to complete your yearning for a real package of travel and vacation trip? Then experience the man-made islands, the Lulu Islands in Persian Gulf. You may have your vacation there for days. Do not miss other exemplary stops during your travel in the Abu Dhabi. Watch the historical and cultural sights. Complete your vacation by moving out from a tourist spot to another scenic spot, malls, and to other known places that you should never miss."

Stay tuned dear listeners... err readers...

Part 2 will come shortly.

Dad joke of the week

As a parent it is my responsibility to bring out the jokes to make the kids cringe. Its payback for the poo shooting over the right shoulder as soon as the nappy came off. (Yes Im looking at you T!)

In honour of this I will be bringing out the best jokes of the week to share with you here...


"What bees do you get milk from?"

"Boobies!"

Why?

"Are you sure you should be sticking your fingers in the coffee grinder while it's plugged in and switched on?"

This is the end of something beautiful...

Stop it! You're thinking about the title too much.

Yes there will be in depth discussions at some point about all things from Astrophysics, the beauty of a desert sunset or the joys of toilet training, but this isnt one of them!

This is me sticking my toe in the water, viewing the lay of the land, smelling the finger of life and... yeah whatever.

I've decided that I am the perfect common man to issue you with life advice in a real and practical way, and to document my travels to the Middle East shortly... ok mostly the last one.

Along the way I will mete out some nuggets from the past to keep you going in the boredom that is sure to come.

Sit back and enjoy the ride.

PS... Do you think I squeezed in enough cliches? I think I had one or two more in me. I will endeavour to improve.