Random Driving observations from the land of sand

Sydney drivers suck.
Even though they had been driving for a relatively small amount of time and travel at close to the speed of light, the average quality of drivers was about 1000% better than in Sydney. The drivers actually know how wide and long their cars are for a start. I only saw 2 fender benders while I was in the UAE. Perhaps this is because the bad drivers have been killed in huge fireballs... hmmm that sounds heavenly

Many people had warned me about driving over there saying it was really dangerous etc. I soon worked out the proper tactics. Indicate where you're going, dont hesitate and drive like you want to in Oz. And for god's sake dont go slow.
For instance, coming up to a roundabout, if there's a gap, you go, if theres not, you stop... thats it. The other drivers expect you to use a gap, the ones behind you and the ones on the roundabout.

There is a law on the freeways over there... heavy vehicles MUST use the slow lane! There are no trucks doing 80 in the fast lane. Are you listening RTA?

And this brings me neatly into some awesome UAE road signs.

SURPRISE!

















Beware of mumu's

BTW, this doesnt mean that you have to stop at that pedestrian crossing (not required by law) just try not to take him out















Roger that, no parking on the sign. BTW, the rule is if there's room then park away.
















Who's crazy enough to ride a camel on the freeway?















Finally the sandy lands (no not Kyle, although we could bury him there)

Driving back from Al Ain we encountered a light breeze, not usually something worrying unless you are surrounded by sand dunes

The dunes around Al Ain are a very red colour, I would think because of the iron deposits in the rock around there










Thats better







































It was so scary I nearly slowed down once!

Jebel Hafeet... I want to have it's babies

A huge black snake shimmers in the heat haze, curled around and over the jagged stone jutting from the sand. I approach the tail, the straight six seeming to rev just a little harder willing me to push it up this long beautiful stretch of lonely road.









Sweeping into the first corner my foot pushes into the carpet as I urge the saloon to take me hard through this luscious on-camber right hander. The nose pushes out of the corner as the engine howls its approval. Keeping the foot planted, flipping through the gears, urging to the next curve in the spine.









Up and up I push, wide open curves through to tight hairpins, with each the smile growing.


















Then I see it appearing out of the haze









A Toyota Echo doing 30 kph.

Blew his doors off but still, WTF mate!

This is Jebel Hafeet, a gorgeous 12kms of blacktop that is every pure driver's dream. And populated by ridiculously small hatchbacks and 4wd's packed to the rafters with gormless faces. Just struggling up the mountain, there is no appreciation for the road.

I was easily the fastest guy on that mountain... I could have been doing 1/2 the speed and still been the fastest.

And at the top?

A huge parking lot and a dodgy cafe in one corner. Remember those weird looking FJ cruisers? there was 4 guys in one of those driving up and back... up and back. Literally 20 minutes up and down the parking lot. Why would you drive up and down the parking lot at the top of one of the best mountain roads in the world?











Ok, through the haze we did see some ground. At least I think it was ground.










The mountain seems to be a continuation of this range of rock spearing out of the ground. In and around Al Ain there is stone jutting from the sand like something from a bad sci fi movie. Even Jebel Hafeet seems to just be totally without structure, just a larger rock in the sequence.























We thought about forking out the cash to stay at the Mercure on the mountain, glad we didnt. There was literally nothing to see unless you were looking hard. Would I go back? HELL yeah, I would be up that mountain again in a heartbeat. If I lived there it would be a daily event.









Had to wring its neck though.

Crackers for Abber Dabbers - The Aftermath

Hi There fair readers, I know Ive been a bit quiet but theres only so much you can do without photos. There will be a Jebel Hafeet report, never you worry. (BTW it was FREAKING AWESOME!!!!111 x 11ty billion)



So I got back from the AberDabers on Tuesday morning after a fairly crap flight over where I watched from my position shoehorned into a seat like an elephant crammed into a mini while 3 arabian girls in the exit aisle seats had to undo their seat belts to be able to reach the seat in front. Needless to say my opinion of Etihad has dropped a few notches.
The food wasnt the worst Ive had at least, while the wine, a French something unpronounceable or Californian Chardy was actually pretty good and nulled the pain of my aching knees somewhat.

I alighted at the terminal... actually alighted would be inaccurate as it implies some lightness of foot... Noooo I stumbled out like a chardy riddled zombie moaning for knees. Then the customs guy greeted me with a hearty gday and I almost lept the counter and french kissed him. I didnt realise how much I missed hearing aussie accents around me until then. ahhhhhh. By the way any of you Americans that guess us as being poms should ask for their money back as they installed a lobotomy along with your fake boobs.

What did I do when Dirty Pierre picked me up at the airport? Went straight for a plate of bacon and eggs, nothing makes you crave something like denial and I was sadly lacking in the pork products and bread department.
It did feel weird to be doing 60 in a 60 zone and not be involved in 12 pile ups before the first intersection.

This mini diatribe brings me to the wrap up. There was a number of things Ill miss about Aber Dabers and the UAE in general, as well as things I missed about Oz. Of course this doesnt include the sappy stuff cos otherwise you'll think you've tuned into Love Song Dedimications.

Stuff Ill miss

Driving like a maniac.
I soon realised on hiring the car that the secret to driving in the middle east is just to drive like you would like to drive in oz. Pick a gap and go for it, accelerate hard off the line and keep the boot in. Roundabouts are just something you need to pick a gap in and fang through it.
Surprisingly I found the average driver's skill in UAE to be better than Oz. I think this was mostly due to the fact that any substandard drivers are quickly killed in firey collisions.
Considering that I only saw 2 minor accidents in my month there, that has to say something.

Car Spotting
Im a man. I hear you say "Der" but it needs to be put down on paper for future reference. That future reference being when I have commented on an interesting car going past, are you paying attention Mrs pOWENed? As a man I will always be on the look out for cool or unusual cars. In Abu Dhabi the pickings were just better than usual.
Also there was many cases of astonishingly bad upholstered vehicles. For instance the taxi I took to the airport on the last day appeared to be dressed entirely with pink table cloth and then covered in the kind of plastic usually used to pack sheets for sale.

Timings
That's not a typo, opening hours in Abu Dhabi and the rest of the middle east are called Timings. At first it was weird but then as a man I reserve the right to give a shoulder shrug and say "Who gives a rat's?".
What I will actually miss is the fact that if you need anything, you can go out and get it up to at least 10 pm. Scoff if you will, here are some things that I have seen for sale at 10pm on a Tuesday night:

• Spark plugs for your motorbike.
• Postcards with a Camel's butt on it, including stamps
• Electronics, including TV's, USB keys, cables
• Inappropriate T-shirts (more on that soon)

Hotels
Ahh the hotels. As a filthy rich country, the UAE hasnt worked out the meaning of anything below a 4 star hotel. 2 weeks in the Dusit Thani in Dubai was a bit spoiling I have to say, having a bar, cafe, shop and luxury at every turn was a change for a farmer from Wee Waa. The room was almost the same size as the flat back in Oz.





























On meeting Mrs pOWENed's Emirati offsider in the lobby his response was to say "Its Average" so that it sounded like "pithouse"

Food
I actually became a big fan of the humous while I was in Dabs. I quite liked it before but even the stuff in the supermarkets there was better than the best gourmet stuff here. Why that is, I dont really want to consider.
There was occasion where the flatbread arrived at the table still puffy, fresh from the oven... hmm yum.



Stuff I wont miss

The Staring
Now after a few days this didnt effect me too much but it was still too much. Just take a photo and then move on, Im sure the family will be able to tell the difference. There was one guy that would have whipped out the tape measure if he had one handy.

Sand
Ill be happy to not see sand again for many many years. This is not the thick smooth sand found lying serenely on a sunstreaked beach in Oz, this is the fine blowing kind of sand that will soon be firmly wedged up your left nostril. Packing away my shoes the other day involved rinsing the sand off them before it had the chance to turn my spare room into another little mini dune. I think there was a small camel under the left one.
Let me say that the locals dont even like their sand. When the Emirates Palace hotel was being built they imported sand from Algeria for the private beach. You just couldnt make this stuff up, importing sand to a desert.

Food
Yes I know this is listed as a "Stuff Ill miss" but theres some things that shouldnt happen. Grainy bread was a big minus especially when its meant to be white sandwich bread. Maybe their leaving the grit in as filler?
Milk that will only last a few days if you're lucky. I think they need to air condition their cows as its starting to turn even before it gets out. One a hot day they squirt yoghurt.
Listen, Emirati dwellers... put the mayo down! No! not even a little, I want my sandwich to not look like a hot cow was just behind the counter.

The Bus
I will drive my car for the next 60 years with one eye, one leg and a broken arm before Ill get on another bus. To be fair, Im sure the other passengers are quite happy not to be right beside my arm pit while swaying around in the Omnibus Grand Pris - Abu Dhabi. There was one poor vertically challenged gentleman that managed to get a tactile examination at the joint in my arm.

Jabel Hafeet is coming, I promise!

Caracal Shooting Range

At the Officers Club here in Abu Dhabi (A pretty cool place for fans of cool buildings and old guns) there is a shooting club open to the public where you can plink off a few rounds for a fairly poultry sum (about $100 AUD for a 9mm and 50 rounds).
Naturally being a bloke, I dragged Mrs pOWENed in for a few shots.










Mrs pOWENed looks very fetching in some safety goggles and earmuffs. Anybody see "Sexy Girls With Sexy Guns"?










She certainly took out the crowd. All of them hit the target though, and the last 5 were all around the 8 mark... not bad...










I did ok too. First the practice target











And the final 10... So close!










When's the next visit?

Crackers for AberDabers - Car Spotting

Ahhh Dear Readers, how long it's been...

Well The not so fun news is that I left the Canon G10 camera in the back of a taxi so the photos are not going to be as much fun from now on... sorry about that.

I am happy to report to you all that the rumours of the cars here are mostly true. In the first week in Dubai I can claim an excellent tally:

Lamborghinis: 5
Police Cars: 2













I cant show you all the mildly interesting cars as that would be every second one on the street. Let me just say that BMW X5 and Porsche Cayenne's are as common as dirt and only just behind them are BMW 740's. As you recall, this is the view from my window here. At any time down there you will find BMW's (there are 2 Z3's on the next corner), a resident Nissan GTR, any number of different Merc's and CLS AMGs are an special favourite here. All gets a little ho hum.









Ho hum, just another car park.

So we resort to the unusual, starting with the FJ Cruiser. I had never seen one of these before but they are common as dirt here and I think a little ugly.



















The always amusing left hand drive commodore










And the jags... the XF and the XK... hmmmm XK



















BTW we didnt see any abandoned ferraris at the airport in Dubai although there was a BMW X5 that was sitting on the street for the 2 weeks we were there.

The good news is that Jebel Hafeet is this weekend! A BMW 530 will have to do the job for us... Stay Tuned!

Crackers for AberDabers - The Doha chronicles

Back in Dubai again after a long weekend in Doha in Qatar, or as I like to call it, the land of a thousand hangovers (thanks to Spiro the mad Greek Pom for that...). By the way Qatar is pronounced like Cutter, I constantly said it wrong.

Doha is the capital/only city in Qatar and is growing faster than the average American's waistline. In a previous blog I bagged the amount of money going into greening Abu Dhabi... after seeing Doha, thank God they do. First thing you'll notice is sand, and the second too probably.

The Mrs pOWENed's sister and hubby (Spiro) picked us up at the airport and introduced us to the next thing you'll notice, the drivers in AberDabers and Doobi might be bad, the average traffic in doha would be called a vehicular riot in Australia.
I would describe the road system as a succession of roundabouts of doom interspersed with drivers driving as fast as possible. Not a positive environment to be in when you were up late with a bro in law, a bottle of vodka and Kung Fu Hustle (A great movie by the way).

Notes for the Qatari Government...

1. Put in Jetways! Taking a bus to the terminal is just the pits
2. Traffic lights are your friend
3. Isnt there some foliage that grows there? If not, paint the rocks green

There was good times in Doha but they're all family related and I know you dont really care so just chuckle on buddy.

Crackers for errrr... Dubai

So the last few days we've been in Dubai for Mrs pOWENed to do some work. So while on the way driving along the freeway at 160kph, we see this building. I have no idea what it is or why its shaped like this, I wouldnt be surprised if this was just another apartment building. I choose to call it the Panadol building.


















Dubai is an interesting place, really just a giant construction zone of huge inventive buildings. We're staying at the Dusit Thani, a Thai themed 5 star hotel. In Sydney this building would be amazing, a talking point. Here it's just another fancy building.
In the background is the Burj Dubai... more about that later. We are situated right in the arch and it might be sort of interesting for a few minutes, but there's really no view to be had. There is free WiFi , "weefee" as Mrs pOWENed calls it, a cafe and bars around the hotel which makes it ok.




























In walking distance there is the Dubai Mall, this is the largest fully indoor mall in the world, and they love to tell you that whenever possible, but in the meantime you have to walk past the Burj Dubai, the most retardedly large structure in the history of mankind, more retarded than anything even the Americans can dream up.













Bear in mind that those buildings in front are 30 odd floors as well and you'll know what we're dealing with. Apparently the Apartments at the top are worth the equivalent of the average income of whole countries... my question is...
Do you really need a view of that much sand?

Anyhoo, on to Dubai Mall. Bring your walking shoes because walk from one side to the other and you'll need a packed lunch.








































Look at that front entrance, bigger than a lot of city streets in Sydney.

























Interior, well lets just say spacious.




























In Australia there are Hyundai's, in Dubai, Bentleys.












Also in the Mall is the largest indoor waterfall in the world... 150ft tall. With added extraordinarily tacky speedo clad divers. Money well spent.














Apparently according to Mrs pOWENed, the most important part of these are the butts... so much so that she felt the need to take a photo for her private collection












And all that walking makes you hungry... and for that is an Australian/South African staple, the favourite haunt of Basketball teams everywhere...

HAAAAALLELUJAH

Ribs And Rumps











On the menu at RnR UAE is an awesome development, the foot long Boerewors hot dog. So naturally I faced the challenge head on... without tomato and with grilled capsicum instead naturally.













I need a coffee and some web surfing now.

Farewell for now

pOWENed