So I got back from the AberDabers on Tuesday morning after a fairly crap flight over where I watched from my position shoehorned into a seat like an elephant crammed into a mini while 3 arabian girls in the exit aisle seats had to undo their seat belts to be able to reach the seat in front. Needless to say my opinion of Etihad has dropped a few notches.
The food wasnt the worst Ive had at least, while the wine, a French something unpronounceable or Californian Chardy was actually pretty good and nulled the pain of my aching knees somewhat.
I alighted at the terminal... actually alighted would be inaccurate as it implies some lightness of foot... Noooo I stumbled out like a chardy riddled zombie moaning for knees. Then the customs guy greeted me with a hearty gday and I almost lept the counter and french kissed him. I didnt realise how much I missed hearing aussie accents around me until then. ahhhhhh. By the way any of you Americans that guess us as being poms should ask for their money back as they installed a lobotomy along with your fake boobs.
What did I do when Dirty Pierre picked me up at the airport? Went straight for a plate of bacon and eggs, nothing makes you crave something like denial and I was sadly lacking in the pork products and bread department.
It did feel weird to be doing 60 in a 60 zone and not be involved in 12 pile ups before the first intersection.
This mini diatribe brings me to the wrap up. There was a number of things Ill miss about Aber Dabers and the UAE in general, as well as things I missed about Oz. Of course this doesnt include the sappy stuff cos otherwise you'll think you've tuned into Love Song Dedimications.
Stuff Ill miss
Driving like a maniac.
I soon realised on hiring the car that the secret to driving in the middle east is just to drive like you would like to drive in oz. Pick a gap and go for it, accelerate hard off the line and keep the boot in. Roundabouts are just something you need to pick a gap in and fang through it.
Surprisingly I found the average driver's skill in UAE to be better than Oz. I think this was mostly due to the fact that any substandard drivers are quickly killed in firey collisions.
Considering that I only saw 2 minor accidents in my month there, that has to say something.
Car Spotting
Im a man. I hear you say "Der" but it needs to be put down on paper for future reference. That future reference being when I have commented on an interesting car going past, are you paying attention Mrs pOWENed? As a man I will always be on the look out for cool or unusual cars. In Abu Dhabi the pickings were just better than usual.
Also there was many cases of astonishingly bad upholstered vehicles. For instance the taxi I took to the airport on the last day appeared to be dressed entirely with pink table cloth and then covered in the kind of plastic usually used to pack sheets for sale.
Timings
That's not a typo, opening hours in Abu Dhabi and the rest of the middle east are called Timings. At first it was weird but then as a man I reserve the right to give a shoulder shrug and say "Who gives a rat's?".
What I will actually miss is the fact that if you need anything, you can go out and get it up to at least 10 pm. Scoff if you will, here are some things that I have seen for sale at 10pm on a Tuesday night:
- Spark plugs for your motorbike.
- Postcards with a Camel's butt on it, including stamps
- Electronics, including TV's, USB keys, cables
- Inappropriate T-shirts (more on that soon)
Ahh the hotels. As a filthy rich country, the UAE hasnt worked out the meaning of anything below a 4 star hotel. 2 weeks in the Dusit Thani in Dubai was a bit spoiling I have to say, having a bar, cafe, shop and luxury at every turn was a change for a farmer from Wee Waa. The room was almost the same size as the flat back in Oz.
On meeting Mrs pOWENed's Emirati offsider in the lobby his response was to say "Its Average" so that it sounded like "pithouse"
Food
I actually became a big fan of the humous while I was in Dabs. I quite liked it before but even the stuff in the supermarkets there was better than the best gourmet stuff here. Why that is, I dont really want to consider.
There was occasion where the flatbread arrived at the table still puffy, fresh from the oven... hmm yum.
Stuff I wont miss
The Staring
Now after a few days this didnt effect me too much but it was still too much. Just take a photo and then move on, Im sure the family will be able to tell the difference. There was one guy that would have whipped out the tape measure if he had one handy.
Sand
Ill be happy to not see sand again for many many years. This is not the thick smooth sand found lying serenely on a sunstreaked beach in Oz, this is the fine blowing kind of sand that will soon be firmly wedged up your left nostril. Packing away my shoes the other day involved rinsing the sand off them before it had the chance to turn my spare room into another little mini dune. I think there was a small camel under the left one.
Let me say that the locals dont even like their sand. When the Emirates Palace hotel was being built they imported sand from Algeria for the private beach. You just couldnt make this stuff up, importing sand to a desert.
Food
Yes I know this is listed as a "Stuff Ill miss" but theres some things that shouldnt happen. Grainy bread was a big minus especially when its meant to be white sandwich bread. Maybe their leaving the grit in as filler?
Milk that will only last a few days if you're lucky. I think they need to air condition their cows as its starting to turn even before it gets out. One a hot day they squirt yoghurt.
Listen, Emirati dwellers... put the mayo down! No! not even a little, I want my sandwich to not look like a hot cow was just behind the counter.
The Bus
I will drive my car for the next 60 years with one eye, one leg and a broken arm before Ill get on another bus. To be fair, Im sure the other passengers are quite happy not to be right beside my arm pit while swaying around in the Omnibus Grand Pris - Abu Dhabi. There was one poor vertically challenged gentleman that managed to get a tactile examination at the joint in my arm.
Jabel Hafeet is coming, I promise!
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