Crackers for AberDabers - They just dont get it...

Sometimes you see things here that make you laugh, which in turn makes you look like a giant crazy white boy. Below are a couple of examples found in a kid's store.

We Join Us! Sounds like a drunken threat.












I didnt think the movie was that bad.

Crackers for AberDabers - The photo montage

Queue the wavey lines and funky noises, its montage time... Mostly to shut J up... Hmm good mousse.








We start out with the view, this is the view from Mrs pOWENed's window, below you can see the 6 gazillion cars camped out in dusty stupor. If you look carefully... you'll go blind, they're way too small...
this is actually a street, not a carpark. Parking is such a premium that people will park anywhere there is a poofteenth of an inch of space.














So we went to Brunch on Friday morning, an Ex-Pat tradition here, mostly due to the lack of booze anywhere else. In the meantime I managed to snap a few photos of interesting details of AberDabers. Apparently they spend over 100k per day just watering these plants.























Scarcely a building in sight smaller than 10 stories, except the mosques... they are on every street corner it seems. Its so stinking hot that you need the shade, maybe thats why its a muslim country... you're required to go inside 5 times a day. Crafty...

























So the whole waterfront of AberDabers has been turned into "The Corniche", basically kilometres of parkland where people can come and frollick... at night. Crazy man.


























If I was going to be anything, it would be a satellite dish salesman.

Crackers for AberDabers - First impressions... last

My what a long time since I was typing away here... and such a long way from home.

So, I finally packed my gigantic ass into a seat made for midgets and winged my way across several countries, oceans, people, greenies, boats and a buttload of sand and here I am! Aber Dabers!

And my first impressions are:

ITS REALLY REALLY FARKING HOT!

I hear a chorus of DEEEERRRRRR's out there... but trust me, it deserves to be said. Mrs pOWENed and I went for a walk last night, the bottle of water I was carrying went from ice cold to too warm to drink inside an hour.

Now I know, you just want to hear what the place is like dont you, well here goes.

First thing I suspect anyone will notice are the drivers, this is the kind of insanity preserved for the dwellers of mud huts that suddenly trade up from camel to Porsche Cayenne (a negligible improvement in looks it has to be said).
Jumping in the taxi for the ride to the airport involved travelling on a well trafficked free way at 160Km an hour in a Toyota Tarago-ish vehicle while flashing slower drivers, over taking in the emergency lane and going through road works. To be fair he did slow down to about 120 for the last one.
By the way there are speed cameras on that road... the posted limit is 120 but they are generally set to 160.

This is also an issue when I'm wandering the streets cos the locals never watch where they're going... they are too busy staring openly at me. I get my fair share of stares in Australia but here I'm truly a mutant, J would be buying me a lot of drinks (if he could find one) as I havent seen anyone here that comes close to my height.
There was one guy that I thought was tall... he was standing on a step...
Surprisingly even the girls in their full Burqa outfits stop and stare here.

Which brings me onto a question I have...

How do they check the passports on these girls when they arent even showing their eyes? One went through customs while I was there, the guy stamped her passport without seeing anything but black.
Answers?

Now let me muck around with a few photos for you all, honestly, you're all so needy.

A man and his moofies

Hey peoples, if you get the reference in the title then you rock. Everyone else is sad and lonely... I still love you though.

Today I thought we would do something different, some movie reviews. I'm not mucking around though, nitty gritty movie reviews, here we come:

Movies I have seen recently, not necessarily new ones:

1. The Watchmen:

I'd like to say that it took me a full night's sleep to decide I liked this movie. I have a message for the makers though...

WHATS WITH ALL THE BLUE DONG, MATE?
Seriously, this is a GOOD still of that smurf in the movie








































You'd be excused for thinking you'd walked into some weird gay porno

Gets 3 pOWENed's. Would have been 4, Im just saying directors...

2. Sex Drive

Hilaaaaarious, it sounds so tacky and I was expecting Superbad quality humour (Im looking at you J) but imminently watchable.
BTW the uncut version has a LOT more bewb in it, not just "Oh yeah, thats a nipple now". I'm talking about random naked women wandering around.
Could just be a guy movie?



































Nah, if only for the Fall Out Boy Amish party scene.
3 1/2 pOWENed's

3. Australia
this dog's breakfast is some of the worst big production I have seen in a LONG time. When will people realise that making movies big wont make it epic... it makes it ridiculous! Doesnt even deserve a picture, SO many stupid moments in this movie

1. Mother dies in holey water tank. Have you ever seen a windmill work movie people? it takes 9 HOURS to fill a tank that DOESNT have holes... you'd be lucky to be able to get a drink out of that one.
2. Kid stops 200 head of cattle with 3 brain cells between them with the power of his bullshit. That kid would have been at the bottom of a giant beef stacks on.
3. Mission Island... where do we start? The shack wasnt bombed, the japanese didnt land there etc etc. Why not use the real story? one of the guys was taken from a yacht and beheaded? Why make it up?
4. Darwin evacuation. CIVIL evacuation... that means the military and support stayed.

Honestly, who was fact checking this? The local special school?
Dont get me started on Nicole Kidman, she's IN the local special school. Ive seen better acting from a cardboard cutout.

Can I give it negative pOWENed's?

And bad acting brings me on to the finale

4. Valkyrie

Mission impossible with an eye patch.

Look, no, I just wanted to use that line. This was a good movie, myself and Mrs pOWENed thoroughly enjoyed this movie.
Let's be clear, we enjoyed it in spite of Tom Cruise, there are dozens of great actors (and a lot of shoddy ones) that could have done a better job than this midget stomping around like a crazy bastard.

Ok, lets put one thing out there... This is Von Stauffenberg, the hero of the story.























At 6'3 he cast an imposing figure...

This is Tom Cruise, a swivel-eyed loony
















My 4 year old is taller...

You know what, they should have cast him as Hitler... THAT would have been worth watching.

Still gets 3 1/2 pOWENed's

and now, back to your regular scheduled programming.

Dad Jokes on the run

Its been hectic here in pOWENed land but there's always time for a Dad joke...

There's 2 goldfish in a tank, one turns to the other and says:

"Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Boom Tish!

Worth waiting for...

Dad jokes are the highest form of comedy...

Where does a baby ape sleep?

In an apricot...


Thanks Tray, and you're not even a dad...

...And Now in Geek News... Insert lame "more than meets the eye" reference

Did I hear you scream "Megatron!"? Yeah I knew it, you're a geek... Have no fear, I was a big fan of the Transformers and I even saw the Transformers movie at the Gold Class and LOVED it.

That's right, scoff if you will... thats not why we're here. So why are we here you say?

Well, do you remember why they were called transformers?
Was it because they turned into lady robots?
Did they develop manageable amounts of electricity from high power lines?

Nooooooo, they turn into cars, and planes, and... guns...

And here is where the interesting tidbit of the day comes into our post, dear listener...

This is the only Transformer that is illegal in most states of Australia and only legal in NSW with a permit.

Wait, what?!

Thats because Megatron transforms into this...




















And cos the limited edition steel one looks like a real Walther p.38, customs decided that its a replica firearm and therefore a prohibited weapon. There's even a website describing the steps you need to take to be allowed to keep one!

http://www.megatron.net.au/MC_Masterpiece_MP05_NSW.htm

The fun parts are:

□ Provide evidence that you are a current member of a weapon collectors’ club. You will receive this letter in your membership pack which we will send you after you apply.

□ Provide a statement demonstrating that your collection has a genuine commemorative, historical, thematic or financial value and that Megatron is required as part of that collection.

□ Provide a description of your safe storage arrangements detailing how Megatron will be stored to prevent unauthorised access.

Storage arrangements you say? such as?

□ Megatron MP-05 (prohibited weapon) must be stored in secure premises which are securely locked.

□ The storage area must have solid walls which form a substantial barrier to forced entry.

□ All perimeter windows and roof skylights must be fitted with security grilles.

□ All perimeter doors must be of solid construction, securely hinged in stout framework and fitted with mortiselock or deadlocks. Door hinges must be concealed or the hinge pins welded to prevent them being punched out.

□ All prohibited firearms / prohibited weapons which form part of a collection must be rendered permanently inoperable.

Hmm obviously this is due to the likelihood of a ninja attack, its an understandable precaution to take... Who know's what shenanigans a ninja/decepticons pact could drum up.

So as it reads you need an actual vault to hold a foot tall toy. No word of a lie, there was one guy on the site that has a thumbprint scanner on the door of his collection.

BTW? How does one render his Megatron inoperable? is it just welding the joints shut? Do you have to prove that you lost the instructions and cant make him transform anymore?

Is it wrong that I kinda want one now? Is it cos its prohibited?

Scratch that... I want Darth Vader/Death Star transformer... thats just maximum geek



When are kids old enough for Transformers? Is 4 old enough?

My God that was a lot of geek... I feel slightly dirty now