A man and his moofies

Hey peoples, if you get the reference in the title then you rock. Everyone else is sad and lonely... I still love you though.

Today I thought we would do something different, some movie reviews. I'm not mucking around though, nitty gritty movie reviews, here we come:

Movies I have seen recently, not necessarily new ones:

1. The Watchmen:

I'd like to say that it took me a full night's sleep to decide I liked this movie. I have a message for the makers though...

WHATS WITH ALL THE BLUE DONG, MATE?
Seriously, this is a GOOD still of that smurf in the movie








































You'd be excused for thinking you'd walked into some weird gay porno

Gets 3 pOWENed's. Would have been 4, Im just saying directors...

2. Sex Drive

Hilaaaaarious, it sounds so tacky and I was expecting Superbad quality humour (Im looking at you J) but imminently watchable.
BTW the uncut version has a LOT more bewb in it, not just "Oh yeah, thats a nipple now". I'm talking about random naked women wandering around.
Could just be a guy movie?



































Nah, if only for the Fall Out Boy Amish party scene.
3 1/2 pOWENed's

3. Australia
this dog's breakfast is some of the worst big production I have seen in a LONG time. When will people realise that making movies big wont make it epic... it makes it ridiculous! Doesnt even deserve a picture, SO many stupid moments in this movie

1. Mother dies in holey water tank. Have you ever seen a windmill work movie people? it takes 9 HOURS to fill a tank that DOESNT have holes... you'd be lucky to be able to get a drink out of that one.
2. Kid stops 200 head of cattle with 3 brain cells between them with the power of his bullshit. That kid would have been at the bottom of a giant beef stacks on.
3. Mission Island... where do we start? The shack wasnt bombed, the japanese didnt land there etc etc. Why not use the real story? one of the guys was taken from a yacht and beheaded? Why make it up?
4. Darwin evacuation. CIVIL evacuation... that means the military and support stayed.

Honestly, who was fact checking this? The local special school?
Dont get me started on Nicole Kidman, she's IN the local special school. Ive seen better acting from a cardboard cutout.

Can I give it negative pOWENed's?

And bad acting brings me on to the finale

4. Valkyrie

Mission impossible with an eye patch.

Look, no, I just wanted to use that line. This was a good movie, myself and Mrs pOWENed thoroughly enjoyed this movie.
Let's be clear, we enjoyed it in spite of Tom Cruise, there are dozens of great actors (and a lot of shoddy ones) that could have done a better job than this midget stomping around like a crazy bastard.

Ok, lets put one thing out there... This is Von Stauffenberg, the hero of the story.























At 6'3 he cast an imposing figure...

This is Tom Cruise, a swivel-eyed loony
















My 4 year old is taller...

You know what, they should have cast him as Hitler... THAT would have been worth watching.

Still gets 3 1/2 pOWENed's

and now, back to your regular scheduled programming.

Dad Jokes on the run

Its been hectic here in pOWENed land but there's always time for a Dad joke...

There's 2 goldfish in a tank, one turns to the other and says:

"Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Boom Tish!

Worth waiting for...

Dad jokes are the highest form of comedy...

Where does a baby ape sleep?

In an apricot...


Thanks Tray, and you're not even a dad...

...And Now in Geek News... Insert lame "more than meets the eye" reference

Did I hear you scream "Megatron!"? Yeah I knew it, you're a geek... Have no fear, I was a big fan of the Transformers and I even saw the Transformers movie at the Gold Class and LOVED it.

That's right, scoff if you will... thats not why we're here. So why are we here you say?

Well, do you remember why they were called transformers?
Was it because they turned into lady robots?
Did they develop manageable amounts of electricity from high power lines?

Nooooooo, they turn into cars, and planes, and... guns...

And here is where the interesting tidbit of the day comes into our post, dear listener...

This is the only Transformer that is illegal in most states of Australia and only legal in NSW with a permit.

Wait, what?!

Thats because Megatron transforms into this...




















And cos the limited edition steel one looks like a real Walther p.38, customs decided that its a replica firearm and therefore a prohibited weapon. There's even a website describing the steps you need to take to be allowed to keep one!

http://www.megatron.net.au/MC_Masterpiece_MP05_NSW.htm

The fun parts are:

□ Provide evidence that you are a current member of a weapon collectors’ club. You will receive this letter in your membership pack which we will send you after you apply.

□ Provide a statement demonstrating that your collection has a genuine commemorative, historical, thematic or financial value and that Megatron is required as part of that collection.

□ Provide a description of your safe storage arrangements detailing how Megatron will be stored to prevent unauthorised access.

Storage arrangements you say? such as?

□ Megatron MP-05 (prohibited weapon) must be stored in secure premises which are securely locked.

□ The storage area must have solid walls which form a substantial barrier to forced entry.

□ All perimeter windows and roof skylights must be fitted with security grilles.

□ All perimeter doors must be of solid construction, securely hinged in stout framework and fitted with mortiselock or deadlocks. Door hinges must be concealed or the hinge pins welded to prevent them being punched out.

□ All prohibited firearms / prohibited weapons which form part of a collection must be rendered permanently inoperable.

Hmm obviously this is due to the likelihood of a ninja attack, its an understandable precaution to take... Who know's what shenanigans a ninja/decepticons pact could drum up.

So as it reads you need an actual vault to hold a foot tall toy. No word of a lie, there was one guy on the site that has a thumbprint scanner on the door of his collection.

BTW? How does one render his Megatron inoperable? is it just welding the joints shut? Do you have to prove that you lost the instructions and cant make him transform anymore?

Is it wrong that I kinda want one now? Is it cos its prohibited?

Scratch that... I want Darth Vader/Death Star transformer... thats just maximum geek



When are kids old enough for Transformers? Is 4 old enough?

My God that was a lot of geek... I feel slightly dirty now

Crackers for Aber Dabers - Part 3

Doo doo de doo...

Oh Hi, didnt see you there. How's things? Ok? Wife? Kids? Good, Good...

Geeees pushy much?

OK then! On with the show.

The desert in the height of summer... what am I going to do with myself for a whole month, you ask? Well let me show you one of the events I am most looking forward to, and I suspect Mrs pOWENed is dreading, mostly because she gets carsick.
She got carsick on bendy backroads in the Hunter Valley... while she was driving. Ahh good times.

The subject of today's wet dream:
Hmm, the Jabel Hafeet Mountain Road




















I want to have it's babies.

11 Kilometres of silky smooth almost deserted blacktop rising up 4000 feet up the highest peak in the United Arab Emirates. 60 corners from fast sweepers to hairpins, perfect for an aussie leadfoot.

At the top? Nothing, a small cafe, hotel and an apparently deserted palace. Sounds perfect!

So, you know what we need now... A Car! No problems, dial up the rental companies.

Ok, a few problems, acres of crappy American luxo-barges or tiny wheezy econo-boxes. Not a sports car in sight!
Oh look, here we go, Sports class... *click*









VW Tiguan... err FAIL

Ok there is a Mustang but I may as well take a luxo-barge up the mountain towed by a team of Toyota Yaris' (Yarises?) for all the fun that will be.

Looking a little further I can find 911's, M3's and R8's but at $600 a day, think Ill have to pass. Now if it was an Aston Martin though...

The best so far is an SLK 200, really though, a convertible in the desert in the middle of summer? Who's mad enough to put the top down? you'd be ready to be basted and turned by the end of the block.

At this rate, I'll be running up the mountain making **vroom vroom** noises.

I shall not fail, I will have something fun to drive up this beautiful road and present you with photos from the top or the wreck... whichever comes first ;)

Dad Jokes ROCK!

Another in our successful series of Dad jokes... You have to love them

A guy is picking up the paper as the garbo's pull up...

The garbo yells out "Where's ya been?"

The guy replies "Oh, I was in Tahiti, it was very nice... thank you"

The garbo rolls his eyes and says "No, where's your wheelie bin?"

The guy sheepishly says "At my mum's place in Penrith..."